It Didn't Matter
by Tomato-cheeks
Summary: Sam moved her hands to his, slipping the slightly crinkled Christmas photo of him and Cam into his hand, and Rodney's eyes failed to meet his while he shifted uncomfortably on his feet. John's eyes widened in horror, but not because of the realization that his CO and his friend had learnt the truth about him. "Where's Cam?"


_Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to SGA and/or SG1. _

_A/N: After re-watching the series, I felt like writing about these two. They just fit together._

_Cam's working in Atlantis, Sam is the Atlantis leader._

_Just something short, don't think too much about the mechanics of it, and I hope you enjoy it :)_

* * *

Cameron pinched the bridge of his nose and tried very very VERY hard not to kill the rambling scientist who was giving him a headache, and it didn't help with how crap he felt then, he was bruised, sore in so many places and tried to concentrate to control the jumper.

Being in Pegasus galaxy was great, he got to be with John, see him everyday, have regular hot sex, _hell yeah_, his mind thought initially, but Rodney was... well... Rodney, and he was stuck off world with John's team without John, because at that very moment, John was in the infirmary, with Jennifer operating on his wound on his torso... and Cam tried not to think too much of how John was doing so he could concentrate on getting themselves home.

"McKay!" he barked at the man, "Spare me the tecnobabble! Can you fix it or not?"

"Have you been listening, Colonel? Of course I can fix it... I can..."

"Then fix it!" Cam cut him short and glared at him, it was then that Rodney saw past the bravado Cam put up front, he was worried, everyone of them were. But there was something else lacing the uneasy look in Cam's eyes, and Rodney wondered what it was. Then for once, Rodney shut up and went to work, although that mainly because Ronon was also glaring at him, agreeing with the Colonel, Rodney's fingers soon went fiddling with the control crystals of the damaged jumper before it shook violently as the jumper took more fire from the darts surrounding them. In truth, Cam was worried that he may not make it back to see John, worried that John might not pull it off and he'd spent his last moments alone. Concentrating hard, Cam fired more drones.

His relationship with John was a secret even to their own teams, the only ones who knew about it were Cam's family and John's brother, however, he knew that at that very moment he was displaying naked emotion that he was almost certain that even Rodney McKay could understand, and he couldn't bring himself to care. Cam always wanted to tell the world that he loved John, but John was the one who insisted that it wasn't a good idea, that it would lead to too many questions. In other words, Cam understood that John wasn't ready to come out, and he was willing to wait... That was three years ago.

Two months and five days after Cam finally transferred to Atlantis, DADT had been repealed for at least a year, so he brought the subject up again, especially that they were in Atlantis, things were different there, but they ended up having an argument over it, and John ended up storming out of Cam's quarter that morning. After a moment of some peace and quiet, Cam felt like a complete jerk, because in the end it didn't matter who knew... they were together and that was the most important thing. So he planned an elaborate romantic evening to make up for it, to be followed by all night of make-up-sex where Cam would rock John's world until John would scream Cam's name over and over again as he rode the orgasmic waves, but it didn't happen. Atlantis went to an almost black out mode, and things didn't get any better. John's team went to get a ZPM using the info given by the Wraith Todd, something Cam heavily opposed, but John reminded him that it was desperate time. It hit rock bottom when Cam received report that John had been seriously injured and his condition was critical when he went into an emergency surgery. Unfortunately Atlantis still required the ZPM they were trying to acquire with power failure and imminent death looming over them, and Sam ordered Cam to lead John's team in his absence.

"Shield seems to be holding at 40% Colonel" Teyla reported.

"I'm almost done" Rodney told them.

Ronon went quiet and eyed Cam, who stayed still on the pilot seat, studying his surroundings, he noticed that Cam struggled to fire the last few drones. Ronon frowned, as if knowing something was wrong, but couldn't pinpoint what exactly it was. The Colonel was too quiet, too still... There were darts everywhere. It would take some insane piloting skills and a dash of suicidal tendency to make it past the clusters of darts in their condition then. But Cam knew they must make it home, even if it means that they'd need to go the long way.

"Try it now" Rodney told him before he was knocked backwards after a shot hit the jumper. Ronon immediately went to him and helped him to his seat.

It worked, Cam had full control of the jumper back and flew the jumper out of harm's way. With some piloting skills that matched John's, he flew deep into the valley where he hoped the Wraiths wouldn't find them, not for awhile anyway. They needed time to devise a plan to get back towards the gate, or at least time for Rodney to fix the cloak.

"Do your thing" Cam said weakly and before he said anything else, he slumped forward and barely missed the floor only because Teyla reacted quickly and caught his fall.

"Colonel Mitchell" she tried to wake him, but her eyes widened as blood smeared her hand, and realized that his black BDU was soaked with blood from the wound on his side.

"Oh God..." Rodney became more frantic with the control crystals and his tablet. Rodney remembered clearly when Cam had pushed him away from a blast, one that he had caused, and he didn't even thank the Colonel for it. He didn't realize Cam was injured and kept going, and his mind soon filled with what ifs scenarios. It took Teyla's scary growl to yank him out of it and ordered him to focus, reminding him that the sooner Rodney could fix it, the sooner they could get the ZPM to Atlantis, and the sooner they could get help for Cam.

Ronon went to help Teyla move Cam to one of the benches and laid him down, tending to the wound straight away and doing the best they could to keep him warm.

When Teyla ripped Cam's top, Ronon noticed a piece of paper that fell out of the pocket. It wasn't until they finished patching him up that Ronon picked it up and grunted in surprise.

"Huh"

"What is it, Ronon?" Teyla asked as she stood and helped Rodney with whatever request he had while he went to the pilot seat and tested the adjustments he just made. Ronon simply passed on the object, which turned out to be a photo, it was of John and Cameron, at Cameron's parents' house at Christmas time. It was a photo Wendy Mitchell took when Cam took John home for the holidays. They were sitting by the Christmas tree, Cam was digging into the present John gave him, leaning his back between John's legs, while John draped his hands on Cam's arms, as if enveloping him with his warm protective measure, John's eyes were fixated at the child-like expression that Cameron had, John had a look of adoration, devotion, and absolute love towards the other man, at that moment the photo was taken, there were only the two of them in the world, and nothing else mattered. Wendy adored that photo and hung them up in their family room, giving Cam a blush every time he came into the room, until John started carrying a smaller version of it with him everywhere he went, and Cam grew to love the photo. So Cam started carrying one too.

"Did you know about the two of them, Rodney?" Ronon asked. Teyla's expression was of a heartbreak, suddenly feeling the extra weight of the situation they found themselves in.

"Who-" Rodney stopped in mid-sentence when Ronon showed him the photo, stained from Cam's blood.

"What the hell?! Sheppard's gay? With Colonel Citrus?! Son of a..."

"Rodney! Now is not the time" Teyla snarled at him and pointed towards the part of the console he was working on earlier.

"Yes... Of course!" Rodney nodded, quickly getting back to it, "But still..."

"Rodney!" Teyla and Ronon warned him in unison, and this time Ronon added a warning glare.

Rodney shut his mouth this time, still grumbling to himself, but soon the part of him that really considered John as a close friend felt a pang of guilt, because John was in critical condition back in Atlantis, and now he only just learnt that his friend's lover was lying unconscious on the jumper bench, probably dying for saving Rodney's life. As clueless as Rodney was in matters to do with love, he cared for his friends, not that he would admit that out loud, of course... and he suddenly understood why John had become a lot more cheerful as of late.

•••

"Cameron" it was the first word out of John's mouth when he woke, eyes still bleary and voice croaked from the effect of sleep inducing drug.

"Easy there, Colonel" Jennifer eased her hand under John's neck to reposition the pillow. He didn't complain much, the drugs were still at work, and it quickly got him back to sleep again.

"How's he?" Sam asked, worried for her friend.

"He's going to make it" Jennifer smiled, relieved that the surgery went well despite having to do it in the dark, but it didn't mean that getting well wouldn't be hard work for John. He'd have weeks of recovery to do.

Sam curled her hand into a fist, unconsciously biting at her knuckles. In her pocket was a photo of John and Cam, the very same one that the other Colonel carried in his pocket. Sam was down in the infirmary when John was brought in, and had volunteered to organize John's belongings, knowing that John wouldn't mind, when she found the photo tucked into John's pocket. And suddenly, she felt guilt washed over her, for not realizing the signs, or even seeing it when it was right in front of her. She knew Cam for a long time, considered him her best friend even... And yet she still missed it. She wasn't sure what she'd say had Cam told her about them, but she was sure as hell that she'd given them support when they needed it.

So when the gate finally dialled and Chuck reported that it was Rodney's IDC, she sighed in relief, knowing she could at least deliver Cam the good news. But her heart sank when medic was called in urgently, and moments later Cam was wheeled in, blood seeping through the white blanket, and Jennifer screaming orders as soon as she shouted "He's crashing!"

Sam went back to the infirmary after handling the power failure disaster, and she was met by John's team who beat her to it. All could breathe a little easier when the power went back on, at least one disaster was avoided, and John was going to make it, but they were still waiting on the news for Cam's condition. The team looked horrified and guilty at the same time, and it was mutual understanding that all four of them only just learned about the love that the two Colonels shared for one another despite knowing their friends for years.

"This is my fault" Rodney chanted, walking back and forth and in a circle.

"Rodney, stop it. It's not your fault" Teyla reminded him.

"Then what was it, Teyla? The man pushed me from a blast! A blast that I caused!" Sam wondered since when did Rodney change and started thinking about someone else, but it didn't matter. It was nice to see Rodney genuinely cared and affectionate for someone and showed it without having to be at death's doorstep himself.

"Accidentally caused" Ronon reminded him.

"That's not the point!" Rodney snapped at him.

"Guys! Keep it down!" One of the nurses told them off, not caring what rank or who was she telling off before she suggested that they all wait outside.

•••

When John came to, he asked for Cam again before he even realized it. He was quick to correct himself, jokingly telling the nurse that he wanted to know if Cam had killed Rodney yet. But it was Sam who turned up, looking bleak, followed by a sullen and guilty looking Rodney.

"What's going on, guys?" John's voice was weak, but heavy with worry.

Sam moved her hands to his, slipping the slightly crinkled Christmas photo of him and Cam into his hand, and Rodney's eyes failed to meet his while he shifted uncomfortably on his feet. John's eyes widened in horror, but not because of the realization that his CO and his friend had learnt the truth about him.

"Where's Cam?"

•••

John glared at the headset on his lap, no he didn't want to do this... But if he didn't, who would? Sam pushed the wheelchair into her office, it was Jennifer's order that John was to stay off his feet for at least a week while his wound was still healing.

"Whenever you're ready, John. The SGC has established the connection" in the gate room, the stargate was active, and John gulped nervously as Sam left him to his own device. Hands trembling, he put his headset on.

"This is Colonel Sheppard. Patch me through"

"Very well, Sir" came the reply. A second later, John heard a click, followed by a voice of a dear woman John missed so much.

"Hello?" and John's heart sank as soon as the loving voice greeted him.

"Hey Momma" he forced himself to speak up. Wendy had scolded John every time he called her Mrs. Mitchell, she insisted that John called her Momma, they were practically a family already anyway.

"John? Oh John!" she shouted happily and soon called for Frank Mitchell, informing him that it was John on the phone.

"John, dear... How are you? It's so good to hear from you! How's Cameron? I hope he's not in trouble?" Wendy was slightly worried that it was John who greeted them first instead of Cam or that it was a call instead of an email they'd normally received.

"That's the thing, Momma... Something happened..." John couldn't pretend any longer, he let his voice break.

"Cameron was badly injured in battle..." John let his voice hung as he took a deep breath, fighting the tears that threatened to fall.

"He's in a comma. Has been for two days now. Doc said he's not out of the woods yet"

John had a heartbreaking conversation with the Mitchells regarding what happened, John had been told that he was allowed to inform Cam's parents of Cam's condition, knowing that there was a good chance that Cam wouldn't make it, so he did, covering the parts he wasn't allowed to tell with the cover story he had been given, and he was honest about his own condition when Wendy asked. Letting his guard down, he slumped forward, hand covering his eyes.

"Momma, I don't know what to do"

•••

John spent day in and day out beside Cam's bed, he seemed to be keeping him company most times, but when it was quiet, and no one was around, he'd hold Cam's hand, sometimes laid his head beside Cam's, whispering loving words to him, begging him to wake up. He wouldn't let anyone else see how vulnerable he was without Cam, how weak he was knowing that Cam was fighting for his life. He came to realize that what broke his heart the most was the fight he had with Cam before everything went South.

Rodney had come to John, apologizing repeatedly, telling him in great details that it was his fault Cam was injured, and that Cam saved him. When John assured him that it wasn't his fault, and that Cam would have done it for anyone, and that John would have done the same thing if it was him, Rodney promised to never ever called Cam out on the lemon incident ever again. He never once mentioned that he had a problem with John dating another man though, but he sounded hurt when he muttered "You could have told me" and John knew that Rodney was right.

The truth was, John wanted to tell since the DADT repeal... He wanted to but he was scared. When John made an effort to mend his relationship with his father, Patrick was patronizing him about the divorce with Nancy, and it went downhill from there. John told him that he loved someone else, a man. It was the last time he spoke to his father. David didn't say anything, and John didn't try to find out how he felt about it. When they talked, they'd avoided the topic like a plague. He knew he should be happy that they could be a couple in public, but his fear took over, getting the better of him, and he realized then, looking at the battered Cam lying in the infirmary bed, that it was stupid. To hell with them who would turn their backs on them, it didn't matter, because Cam wouldn't turn his back on him. Cam was there to stay, and it was with him that John saw a future with.

So that night he clutched Cam's hand and asked for Cam's forgiveness, and gave him promise that he wasn't going to let anything ruin what they have. That night, he fell asleep by Cam's side, holding onto his hand, desperately needing to be assured that Cam was still there with him.

•••

John woke to the gentle hum of Atlantis, sometimes she'd do that for John, providing comfort when he needed it the most. Eyes fluttering open, he realized he still held Cam's hand in his, but what made him ignore the pain on his neck from sleeping in an awkward position all night was the fact that Cam's hand was gently squeezing his. Jennifer was quickly summoned, and John could see movements behind Cam's closed eyelids, although Jennifer was quick to tell him not to get his hopes up just yet.

A soft almost inaudible groan came from Cam, and nurses soon crowded Cam's bed, and he heard them yelling out status reports to Jennifer, who in the end seemed pleased.

"Welcome back, Colonel" Jennifer greeted him. There was no reply from Cam, but John could see his eyes fluttered halfway open, and he slowly moved his head to face John.

Jennifer was still checking his vitals when John moved to grab Cam's hand and squeezed. Cam's lips curled into a tiny smile painfully slowly as John entwined his fingers between Cam's.

"He's going to need time to come out of it, Colonel" Jennifer explained when Cam's responses were sluggish. But John wasn't too worried, instead, he dipped down and planted a kiss on Cam's forehead.

"I love you, Cameron Mitchell. I'm sorry I was such an idiot" and he moved to capture Cam's lips with his. Jennifer and the nurses stood still for a moment before they scattered, giving the two some privacy.

•••

"McKay! Haven't you learnt anything?" Ronon teased as he messed with Rodney's hair much to Rodney endless protests. Teyla was laughing next to them. They were hushed as soon as they entered the infirmary though, and Teyla couldn't help the smile on her face at the sight of John in the wheel chair and Cam on the bed, both still looked battered, but a lot happier and stealing food off each other's trays while bickering about something.

John admitted defeat when Cam poked him on a ticklish spot that somehow only Cam managed to hit accurately. John was helplessly laughing while burying his face into Cam's left arm while Cam quickly swapped the red jello on his tray for the blue one on John's with his right hand, tongue poking from the corner of his mouth as he did so.

"Oh dear God... This isn't happening! Please tell me your injuries have not transformed your brains into some lovestruck teenage girls!" Rodney complained as he walked towards the two Colonels.

"Hey McKay! Good to see you too" Cam greeted him and grinned as he let go of John.

"Hey Rodney" John greeted with his usual lazy drawl and made another attempt at stealing back the blue jello, but his hand was quickly swatted by Cam.

Ronon gave Rodney a push before he grunted in complaint, but soon shut up when Teyla gave him her glare, and he shoved a brown paper bag at Cam.

"Huh?" Cam stared at him dumbfounded.

"For you" Rodney simply said.

"Really?" Cam took the bag from him and opened it.

"Sam told me you're crazy about them" Rodney explained, John frowned and saw Cam took a macaroon out of the bag.

"Macaroons!" Cam beamed and grinned even wider. Teyla gave Rodney another push and a tilt of her head towards Cam before Rodney cleared his throat.

"Thank you, Mitchell... For saving my life and I'm sorry you almost die because of it"

"Rodney! I saved your life all the time and where's my present?" complained John.

"Oh I save your life all the time too, and where is mine?"

"I got macaroons!" Cam sniffed the sweet goodness and sighed in satisfaction.

"Yeah... I wouldn't want to eat it knowing it was Rodney who baked it" John commented.

"Shhh... You're just jealous you didn't get any" said Cam while throwing a wide smile, "Don't worry, I'll share" he added.

Teyla let out a big breath and snickered, Ronon only shook his head at the antics of the three of them when a certain blonde stammered into the infirmary, looking rather annoyed.

"Damn it, McKay! When I said I was baking macaroons it didn't mean that you can steal my idea!" Sam complained as she carried a box in her hands.

"You didn't tell me you were baking them. You told me Mitchell is nuts about them" Rodney almost hid behind Ronon as Sam came near.

"Hey Sam... Did you bake macaroons for me too?" Cam sounded hopeful, while he eyed the box in Sam's hands.

"Hey Cam... John... Well I was going to until I heard that McKay created havoc in the kitchen and now they need to clean up his mess. So I brought these for the two of you instead" she dropped the box she had been carrying on the bedside table. John quickly put aside the tray on his lap and went to the box. His eyes widened when he took out a Playstation console and the game Need for Speed and others from the box.

"I figured since you both would be off duty for recovery, you might be... bored... So I pulled some strings" she shrugged and threw a winning smile towards Rodney, who rolled his eyes at her. Sam had a talk with Cam after he was well enough to talk, she expressed her support and apologized for not realizing, and Cam gave her an easy shrug, saying that he wanted to tell her, but he respected John's wish not to. Looking at the two of them then, Sam nodded, happy to see how well they fit together.

Both Cam and John beamed at the sight of the games and both grinned ear to ear.

"Race you!" John told him.

"Be prepared to lose!" Cam gave him a challenging glare.

And no one questioned them when Cam eventually moved into John's quarter even after they both were back on duty, or when they disappeared for hours while they were on their down time and not even the life sign detector would tell where they were... yes, even Atlantis started to show her liking towards Cam, as he was after all, the one that made John happy.

_END_


End file.
